The Papa Hemingway Writing Challenge

The idea:

find a bloated, nasty, air-filled paragraph. Copy it in all its former glory into a new post. Paste it a second time so that you can edit it until it cries for mercy and we can see the strong, shiny, new version below. Strip out the adverbs, replace weak verbs with strong verbs, axe the bloated phrasery that takes up space and yet says nothing.

Here is the old paragraph, actually from a draft. It has not been published yet!

I have been reading ‘The Happiness Trap’ by Russ Harris. I have been slowly working through it and becoming a fan. I think it is a book that can really help me and many people. Much of it is about using and developing ‘The Observing Self’ to become more comfortable with yourself and your feelings. But what or who is this self and what does he or she do?

And here is the new version:

I am working slowly through and becoming a fan of ‘The Happiness Trap’ by Russ Harris. This book can help many people. It is about using ‘The Observing Self’ and becoming comfortable with yourself and your feelings. What or who is this self and what does it do?

What do you think? Is this an improvement?